Eh, come, come, pull up a plastic stool and sit down. Don’t look at my laptop screen like that, I not editing Excel sheet. I reading the latest local neighborhood blockbuster, and I tell you, standard of primary school kids nowadays really makes my jaw drop until can touch the kopitiam floor tiles.

So what’s the latest tea? Word on the street (and by street, I mean Mothership and every parent WhatsApp group from Pasir Ris to Jurong) is about Punggol Cove Primary School.

Got one poor parent whose heart pain until like kena stab with a satay skewer. Why? Because their little princess went to school to study Ah-Ba, Ah-Ma, please help me, but came back home acting like she just survived Squid Game.

According to the parent, the kid kana bullied by her classmates. And we not talking about normal playground ‘chope-ing seat’ quarrel hor. We talking about full-on high-level villain arc:

1. Name calling (Wah, primary school already got psychological warfare).
2. Stealing stuff (Where got student version of a syndicate?).
3. Physical pushing (Eh hello, you think WWE Royal Rumble ah?!).
4. Inappropriate physical contact / Sexual molestation (Walau, steadying hands blur already—the mother alleged that her daughter was inappropriately touched and sexually molested twice by a classmate in the school hall, but when she feedback, the school allegedly just said they would change her seat! Where got logic?! This one already crossing line from schoolyard nonsense into serious police case liao).

Imagine your own flesh and blood walking into school with a bright yellow school bag and high hopes, only to kena bullied and molested until trauma. Where got logic? If this one happen during my time in the 90s, confirm settle behind the bicycle shed already—one slap, handshake, finish, go home eat mama’s fried bee hoon. But now? Everybody blur like sotong, blur until don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

The School’s Reaction: Wayang or Real Deal?

Of course, when parent see their child cry mother cry father, confirm must go school找校长 (look for principal) and demand explanation right?

So the parent went down to feedback. But hor, according to them, the school’s response was slower than my grandmother walking up four flights of stairs without lift upgrading. The parent felt like the school was just doing wayang—you know, sweeping the problem under the rug, giving standard template replies like, “We are looking into the matter closely” while sipping hot teh tarik in the air-conditioned staff room.

Even worse, the mother claimed that instead of protecting her, a teacher actually told her that students saying vulgarities like “stupid” and “fk you” is “normal”! And when she brought up the molestation allegations, the school supposedly just offered to change the girl’s seat, acting like it was just normal day-to-day squabbling over an eraser.

Wah, parent heard already confirm blood pressure shoot up straight to 200 over 120. Cannot tahan liao, straight away upload to Facebook and even kenna call police to let public court judge.

Kopitiam Uncle’s Expert Analysis

Once this kind of post tio online, confirm the comment section become better than Mediacorp 8pm drama.

• The Auntie Brigade: “Aiya, principal must tio sack! Nowadays schools so useless!”
• The Rational Uncle: “Eh, hold your horses. Must listen to both sides of the story first. But if really molested and swept under carpet, then gg liao.”
• The Internet Detectives: Already trying to CSI which class, which teacher, and what time recess happened. Siao-on.

But jokes aside, hor. All joking aside, child bullying is no laughing matter. School is supposed to be a place to learn fractions and how to share pineapple tarts, not a training ground for future Ah Long runners.

If the school really swept it under the carpet, then GG to them. MOE is confirm going to knock on their door with a magnifying glass bigger than magnifying glass itself.

So now? Everybody sitting at the coffeeshop watching the show. Let’s see whether the school going to issue a 3-page essay statement or sweep it under the carpet so hard until the rug fly up.

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